I've Got Tears In My Beer

I kept hearing from numerous sources that working full-time with a child at home (or sitters) would get easier as time goes. With the exception of my first day back to work, I’m here to tell you that that particular claim is false.

September 6, 2012 was my first day back. I cried getting Emma ready to go to her Grandparents’ house, I cried driving there, I cried sitting there with her for nearly 30 minutes, I cried all the way to work, and I sat in the parking lot and cried for another 20 minutes before going in. I also had hardly any sleep that night because my mind was wandering the whole night thinking about going back. So, needless to say my first day back to work was devastating.

After that first day, it was easier, and easier, and even easier to get up, get everyone ready and head in. However, I am here to say that with each passing day (even though I may not cry for hours on end) the fact that I leave my daughter for almost ten hours a day tugs at my heart something heavy. I do cry occasionally on my way in, I might tear up looking at pictures of her on a break, and I regret my decision to work every time I get a picture via text. What am I going to do though? I need money. For her.

Did I mention that out of my family (hubs and parents), I see her the least? So. Not. Fair.

Since we’re talking about crying... I’ve been telling you how I cry leaving her, well I also cry when I’m with her. I cry over how adorable she is, I cry from joy when she laughs or seems so happy, I cry if she is so upset that she screams for a long time. Everyone always said that when you’re pregnant you cry all the time. Actually, I hardly did. But as soon as she was out I became a crying sap. I cry at radio commercials, thoughts, conversations, confrontations, ruined dinners, missed dates, large laundry piles, etc. There’s no stopping it.

One of the many pictures texted to me while at work.

I guess I really have no actual direction I am going with this post. :-\ I just really wanted to throw out there that no, it does not get easier to leave your daughter to go to work. Not for me.

Jenni