I Need... Times Five

1.       I’m in dire need of a church for us to go to as a family. Gene is Catholic and I am Christian (although in my childhood years I went to a Baptist church). My Mom is Lutheran and my Dad changes his mind on what he is every year so I have no idea what he is at the moment. But, it doesn’t matter about my parents really because I want this to be a church for me, Gene and Emma. I want a church that has special events and activities. A family church, like I used to attend when my friend Cayla’s Dad was the Pastor at Trinity Tabernacle Assembly of God.

The Issue is, I don’t want to go to a church that has a service with a lot of songs, or speaking in tongues, or anything that someone from my generation would normally want. Gene was not raised with services like that. I miss my old Baptist church (which is actually still there – Bible Baptist), where they would have a one-hour sermon with maybe 4 or 5 songs. One hour to hear the word of God, sing His praises, and be on with your day. That’s what I want. But, how am I to find that near me without attending services that may not be our taste?

I did find a decent looking one online – First Christian Church of Florissant. They have a service at 7:50am that is called “Classic Service.” I’m wondering if that’s what I’m looking for. I’m tempted to go check it out. They have a day care, but they have a HUGE number of people that attend that church. I don’t think we’d get the family-type feel we I want. I might go check it out by myself one morning to see if it’s worth it. While I shouldn’t care about the church itself, but care more about the word, I can’t help but look at the people that attend, the location, the services, etc. I need somewhere I feel comfortable.

2.       I need to work out. I miss going to the gym. More importantly, I miss going to the gym alone. When Gene and I had our falling out (about 6 months before I conceived Emma) I joined Club Fitness and I went 3 nights a week, straight from work. I LOVED IT! I could go after work, and still be home by 7pm. When we patched things up like 3 months later, he joined too and we stared going together. It was a mess. I’d go home, change, we’d go back out, it would be a mad house (Lindbergh location is the original), Gene would do weights and I’d wait for an elliptical or stationary bike. I’d be exhausted from the cardio and ready to go home within 30 minutes and Gene was still just warming up. So I’d casually ride a bike and watch the tv on the machine until he got tired of the dirty looks and we’d leave.

Once I found out I was pregnant (I was 9 weeks and kept getting false negatives), we only went another month or two and then we quit going altogether. Gene wouldn’t go without me, so we froze both accounts for 3 months. It reactivated when I was 8 months along, but we didn’t go.

After I had Emma, and had gotten the green light to go back to my usual activities, I still had my gym membership. I kept telling myself that once I got used to this Mommy thing, and got a routine going, that I would start going again. Well guess what? I still do not have the Mommy thing down, I still do not have a routine going, and I cancelled my gym membership (and Gene’s). Actually, I am mistaken. I do have a routine going. But nowhere in that routine does going to a gym fit in. Every night is the same. Home, play with Emma, feed Emma, bathe Emma, bedtime for Emma, bedtime for me. I could work out in the mornings after I drop Emma off, but let’s face it, I’m not going to shower at the gym, I’m not going to be on time, it’s just not going to work. Not for me. Plus, where does Gene fit in?!?

3.       I need a change of pace. I need something to join, something to be a part of. This itch might be scratched by finding a nice church to join, but in the meantime I need something. I keep looking at yoga classes, dance classes, and even meditation groups. I would love to join a book club, but really, when would I have time to read? I have a hard enough time getting through my 3 parenting magazines and 2 “me” magazines (Glamour and All You). My “read” stack is getting bigger and my “recycle” stack is basically 2 magazines, lol.

I did start taking Emma to more play dates. I love this because I can chit-chat with other Moms that I really enjoy talking to, and the kiddos get to play. And with Spring coming maybe there will be more possibilities, but right now I am in a rut. A rut cycle. A never-ending rut. You get the point.

I joined The Color Run STL Spring 5K. It’s scheduled for April 27th. I’m looking forward to getting out there and doing something other than the usual, not to mention it’s with a great new friend (Alyssa). It’s so not like me to do a 5K since almost everyone knows I hate to run, but this year is all about new things, so I figured I might as well. Ummm, this also goes back to the “I need to workout” rant.

I also applied to join the committee for the “CityArchRiver 2015” project. It’s doubtful that I will be selected, but at least I am trying to do things outside the norm. I also thought about running for District Representative in the next election. Haha, I’m not sure if I will follow through on that thought considering I’m not big on politics. However, our government could use some fresh blood in there, right?

4.       I need something to happen with work. To keep it short and simple – I don’t get paid enough for what I do and the money I help to bring in, and if I’m not getting paid accordingly, then why should I not go find something part time and spend more time with Emma? While I feel needed, I still feel unappreciated. I pray all the time asking for a sign, a change, something to happen on its own so that I won’t be the one to have to decide. But, I think He is making me figure this one out on my own because since September I’ve been asking, but haven’t gotten any answers. I bet there’s a big sign that He is leaving out in the open for me to see and I’m so blinded by everything else that I cannot figure it out. Go figure.

5.       Last one, simply put - I need more Emma time. I miss her like crazy every workday. I still want me time, and a date night once a month, but I need more time with her during the week. Nights are short and she is cranky in those witching hours, so preferably early. See, I’m typing this out and I bet tonight she will wake up at 1am ready to play… that’s NOT the kind of early I mean folks. ;-)


Some New Things (and our day-to-day lives)

So, it seems we have some new things going on in the Brink household.
-          Emma is scooting across the floor on her belly. While she can’t seem to grasp how to move her arms once she’s gotten up on all fours, she sure has gotten down how to use her feet to push herself all over the room on her belly. If we put something she wants across the room, look out!
-          Emma can now walk in her walker… backwards. Yep, backwards. She can’t go forward yet, but if we put her on a slick surface (no carpet) she just goes and goes until she bumps into something.
-          Noises: “Dadadadadada.” She does that one while she has a binky or bottle in her mouth. “Bbbbbbbbbbbb.” She does that anytime you first pick her up. Then most recently, she’s been gulping. Like if you have nothing in your mouth, but you pretend to be gulping down water. No clue what that’s about. Also, high pitched screaming. She just will stop what she’s doing, look up at you and scream so high and loud. We tell her that Mommy and Daddy are quiet people, but she doesn’t seem to care. Lol.
-          Emma now kisses without being made to. She, of course, has her mouth wide open and she just presses it to your face. Then she leans back and smiles while she waits for a “thank you” in return. She’s so delighted to do this, and I absolutely love it. And sometimes it’s not as cute – like when your mouth is open and she just sticks hers right inside yours. Ick. Lol.
-          Putting her to bed is now an hour long ordeal since she can now sit up on her own. She just says “sorry, I’m not ready to go to sleep” and sits right up to play with her blanket, or mobile, or her feet, or whatever she can get to. It’s a pain in the butt and we knew it would be. We just aren’t adjusting well to it. Us Brinks like our sleep (with the exception of Baby Brink it seems).
-          Em now tries to play with Okie. That’s all good in my book, but not in her Daddy’s. He hates for Okie to lick her. So, if Gene’s home it turns into a bunch of yelling at Okie. If he’s not home, I let Okie go to town because Emma just laughs and laughs. Another new thing is Emma has discovered that Okie has a tail, and she wants it! Lol. Poor Okie. She’s handling it all great though.
-          Emma has mastered the sippy cup. However, we haven’t transitioned formula to it yet so she thinks she can throw her cup on the floor whenever she wants to. I think once she sees it’s her “milk” in there she will stop that. If anyone needs s suggestion on a good sippy cup, we have had the best luck with the Avent one. Technically, we have 4 different ones and she drinks out of them all. But, for beginners, the Avent is best in my book. Downside though is it’s only 4 ounces.
-          Binky chewing. So Em has never been too keen on her bink. She would only ever take it when she was exhausted, to fall asleep with. She normally hated it and screamed when she first got it because it meant that it was naptime. Well, she loves it now. Only, she loves to play with it. It’s the cutest thing. She just turns it over and over in her hands and sticks it in her mouth, pulls it out, and then starts all over again. It can be any bink, but she has the most fun with the ones that have the loop on the outside. *Side note, because she’s been playing with them, we keep losing them!
-          Emma has been obsessed with our cell phones. So much so that she would throw fits. So, we found an old one and took the battery out so she could play with it. Well of course, like everything else, it goes straight to her mouth. Within minutes we could see slobber IN the screen. So then we started wondering if she could somehow suck it out of there and what kind of stuff they put in there, and we took it away. We bought her a play cell phone and a play remote for the tv, and she doesn’t care for either one if our cell phones are around. So if you don’t hear back from us until after bedtime, that’s why. Lol.
-          So far, since we’ve been given the green light to give Emma table foods, we’ve tried potato salad, french fry and baked chicken (all a tiny bit on the tip of my pinky). French fry she’s fine with, but she doesn’t really know what to do with it once it’s in her mouth. The other two, she cringes. Lol. I think it’s a texture thing because there’s some baby foods that she cringes at – like mixed veggie.  Oh, I also gave her a taste of my yogurt one day, but I’m so afraid of giving her something she’s not supposed to have that I haven’t done that again (even though she liked it).
So, that’s a taste of what’s been going on at home. It’s downright exhausting at times. So much so that when I have a free night or weekend I get paranoid that I won’t get to catch up on my sleep so the whole time we are out I think about how I could be sleeping, or cleaning, or organizing. Oy. I’m never going to get the hang of it all.  To give you an idea of my day (this is a Wednesday):
5:15am – Gene gets up and gets ready for work.
5:45am – Gene wakes me up again to say bye, and he heads off to work.
6am – Get up with Emma. Change her, feed her a bottle.
6:45am – Shower, get ready for work (all while toting Emma around with toys).
7:15am – Fill up her bag with clothes, extra clothes, fruit, etc.
7:30am – Start loading the car with the bags, Okie and Emma.
7:45am – Drive to Mom and Dad’s.
8am – Leave Mom and Dad’s for work.
8:30am – Work.
5pm – Leave work. All the way home talk to Mom about what Emma did for the day.
5:30pm – Home. Visit with Emma and talk to Gene about how our days were.
6pm – Figure out the dinner situation and pick-up around the house from the morning. The other one of us feeds Emma a bottle.
6:30pm – Dinner while Emma plays. We watch Channel 9 shows (Berenstain Bears, Anne of Green Gables, Peep and the Big Wide World, Pokoyo, Caillou, etc.).
7pm – Playtime. (Gene will sit on the computer – his relaxing time)
7:30pm – Feed Emma Prunes. (Gene will sit on the computer – his relaxing time)
7:45pm – Bathtime. Gene will make Em a bottle and refill her cool mist vaporizer.
8pm – Bedtime routine (Lights dim, bottle, sleep sheep, put in bed).
8:30pm – Free time. I usually watch tv until I fall asleep on the couch (by 9:30pm). Gene kicks in here and washes bottles and will throw some clothes in the washing machine or load the dishwasher. Then I go to bed and he plays a video game (every now and then he will come to bed with me).
*Then Emma usually wakes me up about 3 times a night (but I don’t have to get out of bed), and then lately she’s been getting up-up once a night.
5:15am – Gene gets up and gets ready for work.

You got it from here. Lol. To think, I used to get 10 hours a night on average. Oh well.


I Wish

I wish Emma could talk.
I wish Okie could talk.
I wish that my husband would want to talk to me.
I wish my Mom would take better care of herself.
I wish my Dad would quit with his arrogance.
I wish that Gene enjoyed his job.
I wish that Gene enjoyed something besides sports and video games.
I wish I could enjoy sports and video games.
I wish that work was called easy.
I wish that my work, was instead a career.
I wish that I could go back in time.
I wish I hadn’t had that extra ice cream last night.
I wish that cancer didn’t exist.
I wish that I wouldn’t think I have cancer all the time.
I wish that my half brother would want to be around.
I wish I had more ice cream now.
I wish I could hang out with friends more.
I wish that I liked beer.
I wish that people weren’t mean to their pets.
I wish that murder didn’t exist.
I wish that people didn’t get sick at all.
I wish I wasn’t still thinking about that ice cream.
I wish I had prettier hair.
I wish I didn’t have freckles.
I wish that I was skinny.
I wish that I could be skinny and still eat all that ice cream.
I wish that I liked myself more.
I wish that I didn’t let things get to me.
I wish I could erase every mean thing that was said to me in school.
I wish that nobody will say anything mean to Emma in school.
I wish that nobody will say anything mean to Emma ever.
I wish I could keep Emma in a bubble.
I wish I could keep me in that bubble with Emma.
I wish I could keep me, Emma and ice cream in the bubble.
Oh, I guess I wish it could be me, Emma, the ice cream, and Gene in the bubble.
I wish that I could bring back the children lost in the Sandy Hook massacre.
I wish I could rid the world of evil.
Most of all,
I wish that not a day will go by that Emma doesn’t know that I love her more than life itself.
I wish that I remember to tell her every day just how much I love her.
I wish that I will be able to keep her safe and sound at all times.
I wish that we will all be together, and happy, and safe (with ice cream) - for forever, and ever, and ever.