I Need... Times Five

1.       I’m in dire need of a church for us to go to as a family. Gene is Catholic and I am Christian (although in my childhood years I went to a Baptist church). My Mom is Lutheran and my Dad changes his mind on what he is every year so I have no idea what he is at the moment. But, it doesn’t matter about my parents really because I want this to be a church for me, Gene and Emma. I want a church that has special events and activities. A family church, like I used to attend when my friend Cayla’s Dad was the Pastor at Trinity Tabernacle Assembly of God.

The Issue is, I don’t want to go to a church that has a service with a lot of songs, or speaking in tongues, or anything that someone from my generation would normally want. Gene was not raised with services like that. I miss my old Baptist church (which is actually still there – Bible Baptist), where they would have a one-hour sermon with maybe 4 or 5 songs. One hour to hear the word of God, sing His praises, and be on with your day. That’s what I want. But, how am I to find that near me without attending services that may not be our taste?

I did find a decent looking one online – First Christian Church of Florissant. They have a service at 7:50am that is called “Classic Service.” I’m wondering if that’s what I’m looking for. I’m tempted to go check it out. They have a day care, but they have a HUGE number of people that attend that church. I don’t think we’d get the family-type feel we I want. I might go check it out by myself one morning to see if it’s worth it. While I shouldn’t care about the church itself, but care more about the word, I can’t help but look at the people that attend, the location, the services, etc. I need somewhere I feel comfortable.

2.       I need to work out. I miss going to the gym. More importantly, I miss going to the gym alone. When Gene and I had our falling out (about 6 months before I conceived Emma) I joined Club Fitness and I went 3 nights a week, straight from work. I LOVED IT! I could go after work, and still be home by 7pm. When we patched things up like 3 months later, he joined too and we stared going together. It was a mess. I’d go home, change, we’d go back out, it would be a mad house (Lindbergh location is the original), Gene would do weights and I’d wait for an elliptical or stationary bike. I’d be exhausted from the cardio and ready to go home within 30 minutes and Gene was still just warming up. So I’d casually ride a bike and watch the tv on the machine until he got tired of the dirty looks and we’d leave.

Once I found out I was pregnant (I was 9 weeks and kept getting false negatives), we only went another month or two and then we quit going altogether. Gene wouldn’t go without me, so we froze both accounts for 3 months. It reactivated when I was 8 months along, but we didn’t go.

After I had Emma, and had gotten the green light to go back to my usual activities, I still had my gym membership. I kept telling myself that once I got used to this Mommy thing, and got a routine going, that I would start going again. Well guess what? I still do not have the Mommy thing down, I still do not have a routine going, and I cancelled my gym membership (and Gene’s). Actually, I am mistaken. I do have a routine going. But nowhere in that routine does going to a gym fit in. Every night is the same. Home, play with Emma, feed Emma, bathe Emma, bedtime for Emma, bedtime for me. I could work out in the mornings after I drop Emma off, but let’s face it, I’m not going to shower at the gym, I’m not going to be on time, it’s just not going to work. Not for me. Plus, where does Gene fit in?!?

3.       I need a change of pace. I need something to join, something to be a part of. This itch might be scratched by finding a nice church to join, but in the meantime I need something. I keep looking at yoga classes, dance classes, and even meditation groups. I would love to join a book club, but really, when would I have time to read? I have a hard enough time getting through my 3 parenting magazines and 2 “me” magazines (Glamour and All You). My “read” stack is getting bigger and my “recycle” stack is basically 2 magazines, lol.

I did start taking Emma to more play dates. I love this because I can chit-chat with other Moms that I really enjoy talking to, and the kiddos get to play. And with Spring coming maybe there will be more possibilities, but right now I am in a rut. A rut cycle. A never-ending rut. You get the point.

I joined The Color Run STL Spring 5K. It’s scheduled for April 27th. I’m looking forward to getting out there and doing something other than the usual, not to mention it’s with a great new friend (Alyssa). It’s so not like me to do a 5K since almost everyone knows I hate to run, but this year is all about new things, so I figured I might as well. Ummm, this also goes back to the “I need to workout” rant.

I also applied to join the committee for the “CityArchRiver 2015” project. It’s doubtful that I will be selected, but at least I am trying to do things outside the norm. I also thought about running for District Representative in the next election. Haha, I’m not sure if I will follow through on that thought considering I’m not big on politics. However, our government could use some fresh blood in there, right?

4.       I need something to happen with work. To keep it short and simple – I don’t get paid enough for what I do and the money I help to bring in, and if I’m not getting paid accordingly, then why should I not go find something part time and spend more time with Emma? While I feel needed, I still feel unappreciated. I pray all the time asking for a sign, a change, something to happen on its own so that I won’t be the one to have to decide. But, I think He is making me figure this one out on my own because since September I’ve been asking, but haven’t gotten any answers. I bet there’s a big sign that He is leaving out in the open for me to see and I’m so blinded by everything else that I cannot figure it out. Go figure.

5.       Last one, simply put - I need more Emma time. I miss her like crazy every workday. I still want me time, and a date night once a month, but I need more time with her during the week. Nights are short and she is cranky in those witching hours, so preferably early. See, I’m typing this out and I bet tonight she will wake up at 1am ready to play… that’s NOT the kind of early I mean folks. ;-)