Because my work day is not consumed with reports, spreadsheets, and analyzing data, I have some time to think… because let’s face it, none of that requires actual thoughts; just an index finger to click away at a mouse. My thoughts run wild on me and I daydream about a similar, but different life for me and my family. I dream of what could be, but probably never will be.
I dream about living somewhere like Pleasantville. Did you see that movie? Okay, probably minus all the sex talk and such, but somewhere that people are friendly, and trustworthy, and family-oriented. I dream about Gene and I selling our house and moving to the overpriced area of New Town St. Charles. It’s in the school district we are looking at for Emma, and it has a ton of playgrounds, two pools, an animal farm, an organic produce garden, a church and so much more. And while there is still crime (as there is everywhere), it’s minimal or only to a lesser degree. We would move there this weekend, if we thought we had a chance in hell of selling our house. We will try, one day.
I dream about a career where I’m not micromanaged. I have noticed that I now have problems making decisions on my own at home now, just because I spend 40 hours a week not being able to make a decision on my own at all. I could probably handle the micromanaging if it wasn’t for the negativity in the office building. I go home at night filled with everyone else’s negative vibes and take it out on my family. I used to be happy. Used to be.
I dream about all the clothes I want to buy. I picture myself in things like empire waste shirts and strapless dresses. When I think about the clothes I want to wear, the picture of myself in my head is a thinner version. I can guarantee you that when I go shopping this Memorial Day weekend I will not buy either of those items because my body is not structured to wear such garments. The truth is that I am now at the point where I wear layer on top of layer to try to hide my flub.
I dream about romantic date nights with my husband. Gene and I take one night out of the month off from being Mommy and Daddy to go out and have fun. However, what is supposed to be date night always turns into Gene obsessing about seeing his friends. The first date night we had was with his friends (and Holli) at Oktoberfest. The second, third and fourth didn’t pan out well. The fifth and sixth Gene spent the majority of dinner sad and upset that his friends had other plans – he never remembers to tell them – and so we went home early. The seventh was Gene’s birthday weekend so he wanted to go see a Michael Jackson impersonator with his friends (what did we do for my birthday?!?). This month, I’m not even going the friend route. I am just focusing on what we want to do, and we are doing it. If we end up later with friends then great, if not, oh well. I just want us to be able to go out and be us.
I dream about winning the lottery and making Emma’s college dreams come true. We have some money set aside for her college fund already, but by the time she is old enough to go, they are projecting that a bachelor’s degree would be somewhere around $300k. I’m not sure how much it is now, but I don’t think we will ever have that much money… probably not even however much it is now. Oy.
I dream about going back to school. Through word-of-mouth I found a program that I would like to do, but I want to have another baby. And with another baby comes maternity leave. I don’t want to have to take maternity leave from school.
On that note, I dream about having another baby. Once I got baby fever I wanted to be the Duggars. Now that Emma is here and we’ve gone through ups and downs, I still want to be the Duggars. Obviously that won’t happen with my need to have C-sections, but I still want more than one. Gene and I were both only children and we always wanted siblings. Also, Emma seems to love her baby doll, so that means that she wants a baby brother or sister, right?
I dream about joining a church community. Churches are loving, peaceful places to be. I have numerous bibles and religious tales for Emma to read, but I want her to have the whole experience. All through middle school I went to church… a lot. They were my extended family basically. I loved it. I would like to go back to it but Gene and I are different religion-wise and I’m having a hard time finding the right church. I’m leaning towards Baptist. Lol. I don’t think Gene (who is Catholic) is going to go for that though.
So, there you go. My dreams and wishes. No, that’s not all of them by any means, but they are big “rocks” to move. I’ll work on them little by little, and hopefully one day I’ll be in the place I want to be. For now, I’ll change what I can and make sure my baby girl has everything she needs and wants. That’s all a Mom can do, right?

1 comment:

  1. We have a lot of the same dreams :- ) Here's hoping they start coming true!