- Emma is 5 weeks old as of yesterday. We are learning a bit more about each other, so we have a few "quiet times" a day now; quiet meaning she's awake and just looking around or playing quietly. This doesn't happen often. Otherwise, she still cries and scream like crazy, still only sleeps about 3 hours a day, and luckily for me still sleeps a total of about 9 hours a night (with feeding breaks of course).
- Speaking of feeding, it's getting a lot better. Besides the pain I mean. She's eating like a champ for the most part now, but b/c I keep trying to push the binkie her latching is getting worse. She does this panicked biting thing when she first latches on, and then pushes herself off a bit. I try to stop her and start over, but after so many tries I'm exhausted and hurting and just let her do her thing to eat and be done with it. After so many days of this I could scream from the pain after each feeding. I'm really hoping this gets better before I give up early.
- I'm struggling with the swaddle. I have two of the velcro swaddles (two different brands), and each one moves itself up over Emma's face within minutes. I try to rig it and roll it down, but that doesn't last. I'm really irritated with it all b/c I read that anything over a babies mouth, even if it cannot go down their throat, increases risk of SIDS. Obviously this is enough to freak me out. But, for the time being the swaddle is the only way I can get Em to sleep so I guess I will continue with it, and wake up a million times to check on her. Good thing she snores so I can at least hear her breathing without staring at her all the time.
- We got Emma a play mat. She loves it! Unfortunately it does not move on its own, but if we sit there and jiggle it for her she can lay there for 10 minutes or so just staring at everything. I love that she enjoys it b/c it's the first thing she has seemed to take an interest in besides boob. Haha.
- She hates tummy time. I try and try and try. On the floor, on the couch, in her crib, in the pack n play, on the play mat... but she just screams. Now, I can lay her on my chest for a nap and she lifts her little head up and looks around all wide-eyed. It is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I wish I could take a picture of her but I've tried and it obviously cannot capture the moment. But, to me the best part is that her little mouth takes the shape of her saying "Ooooooooooooo." I absolutely love this little girl. Anyway, we are still trying tummy time and I really am looking forward to some success there.
- I took Em to my workplace b/c I had to pay for my insurance and I didn't have anyone to stay home with her. No big deal really, except when I got there she started to fuss and some ladies there had to put their two cents in. One even went as far as to ask if I was even feeding her. Ugh. I could go on and on here but for the sake of someone seeing this blog I'm just going to say that I was so ticked off that I almost cried right there. I was so upset that when Em went poo I looked like I've never changed a diaper before. My boss looked super cute holding her though so I'm glad I got to see that.
- There's a lot of pressure out there to breast feed. I'm glad I did/am and all, but it was only supposed to be for 4-6 weeks before I have to go back to work. However, the times that we gave Emma formula I broke down and cried b/c there are so many out there who say formula is bad. I almost feel like I will be looked down on if I stop. I love my baby more than anything, and while I want her to have the best of the best I just don't feel like it will work out well to continue to pump and nurse once I go back to work. I have long, sometimes full day meetings, seminars and trainings. I travel to different offices if need be. I don't always know when it will be, and I can't see me going 8 hours without pumping and everything being the same after that. I keep second guessing my decision. Then I start to wonder if I am being selfish. This is my baby girl. Shouldn't I do whatever it takes to keep her happy and healthy? But, will she really be unhappy or unhealthy if we go to formula? I just don't know what to do. This is my biggest concern/fear/issue right now.
Everyone keeps saying that things will get easier. I see little changes that are better, but then all the bigger, harder things are still there. The doctor assures us that by 12 weeks things will be completely different. We shall see.
Emma should be waking up soon so I'm going to stop this here.
I love my Emma. :-)
Jenni
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