The Thoughts of This Mommy

Yesterday Emma hit 7 weeks. Those 7 weeks felt like at least 20. I know that everyone always says it, but it really is true - being a Mom is the toughest job ever! I love it, and I wouldn't ever go back, but it is so hard!

Since Em has already been asleep for an hour and a half I don't have long to get this down.

Going on:

- Tummy time is something that Emma hates, but we have still been doing it and her left arm is getting strong! Of course her neck is too, but we've been watching closely for signs of rolling over and her left arm might get her there quickly.

- Emma laughed out loud in her sleep just this week! I have no idea what she was dreaming about, but it was the sweetest sound I have ever heard!

- I dried up. I was weaning myself down on milk since I quit nursing, but I had thoughts of pumping 2 - 3 times per day to continue giving her the anti-bodies her doctor says she needs. Then this morning I tried to pump (12 hours later) and after 10 minutes I didn't even have an ounce between the two. I've decided to just stop altogether (see my thoughts below).

- My Dad changed his first diaper today, and we didn't stand over him either. It took him a bit, but he got it and did great! He also fed Em for the first time today too! He can tell that we are nervous about him watching her on his own, but he doesn't get too upset about it like we would. Truthfully I know he can handle a couple of hours 3 days a week, but his thought process is that if she's crying she's hungry. I'm paranoid that she will be overfed every day.

- Emma's fusiness is a little better. I'm starting to think that I wasn't giving her what she needed. She'd nurse for 40 minutes, get everything she could out of me, but was only full for an hour or so. Formula keeps her at bay for 2 hours, and she stays calm for the first hour or so after each feeding (if awake).

- I rearranged Emma's room again. Lol. I move things around like every week or so. I just can't get it perfect, but it's getting there. Oh, I am ordering more clothes for her too! I'd rather her have everything in the world, instead of me getting new clothes or things that aren't really needed.


- Nursing. I hated nursing. It hurt. Now I think it hurt b/c my poor baby wasn't getting enough and she kept going and going, but at the time I thought the latching wasn't right even though it seemed to be. The one thing I loved was the closeness, the bonding, the looks from her, the hand resting on her food supply, the fact that she needed me and I could give her what she needed (although maybe not enough). Now that I've stopped, and today I'm pretty much dry, I am so sad at the thought that if we got lost in the woods I couldn't keep her alive. I know, I know, how likely is that to happen? But, if in the winter we run off the road and get stuck and have no way to get out, and my cell phone died, and it's on a back road, I couldn't feed her. You're probably thinking that this wont happen either, but it's much more likely to happen than us being in bug-infested woods. My heart aches over this. It doesn't help that my Twitter girls have no problem making and storing milk (no offense girls!), or that Em's doctor wanted me to nurse for 2 years, or that everything I read says milk is best... I'm hurt that I wasn't good enough for her. That I couldn't give her everything she needed and more.

- Formula. Okay, formula is gross! No, I didn't try it, but it smells like metal. And if Emma spits up it smells like vomit. We've found that any gentle formula is not so gentle for Emma, it's actually opposite! I really like the Enfamil Newborn formula for her, and after 3 mos I think we will switch to Similac Advanced formula b/c I've tried the sample I got for her and she handles it well! It's handy to be able to feed her at any time and any place, and my parents and Gene love to feed her. It warms my heart to listen to my Mom and Dad talk to her as she eats.

- Gene. I worry about how he will handle things when he is by himself for full days. Why? Well b/c even with me being home he slacks off. He will be holding Emma while watching tv, she starts to cry, and he does nothing... until he realizes he can't hear his show anymore. Ugh. I'm contemplating taking the remote to work with me. I lecture him and he assures me he wont be like that, but if he is now then why wouldn't he be then? He better get his stuff together!

- Work. So I decided to go back to work on the 6th instead of waiting until the 10th. After thinking more about it, while I'd rather stay home with my babe, I need to get back so that I'm not even further behind and out of the loop. My issue now is that while I'm away from Emma for just 3 hours I miss her like crazy. How will I ever make it 8+ hours!?! I love her. Why oh why couldn't my workplace be more understanding? I tried to go to part-time, but for some reason they think that I couldn't get my usual duties done in 3 or 4 days instead of 5. My supervisors are all parents, so they should have realized that even in my short 7 weeks I've learned to multitask like no other! There is so much more to this work thing, but I'd better keep my mouth shut about it. ;-)

- Sleep. So Emma is back to 2 times waking per night. She was at one (if any) for weeks, but b/c she's eating more now she wakes more. I HATE waking up in the middle of the night. No, I shouldn't say that. If I wake up on my own I'm completely fine and almost happy. But, if I'm awaken (is that the right word?) by an alarm clock, Gene, or a sweet little baby, I'm miserable and very cranky. I snap at Gene if he asks if I need help, or I'll lecture him if he came to bed too late. I just can't help it. I'm so tired unless I wake up on my own. I have no idea how to fix this. I could have even gotten 10 hours of sleep and I'm still miserable. I will definately be praying for more strength in this area!

Well, my sleeping baby is waking up. Here are a few pics to hold you over until next time!

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