Grandparents' Time

I don’t know what gets me thinking of such depressing things all the time. I think that Gene and I have just had so many struggles since we’ve gotten married that we have more heartache than we should at this age.

I was just sitting here thinking about how Emma can now pick up her puffs and put them in her mouth (she did this the first time last night during dinner). I was so shocked and elated that she just did it out of nowhere, like she has been doing it for years. It didn’t even phase her but I had tears of joy when it happened. The first thing I did was take a picture and send it to my Mom who eagerly replied “Is she feeding herself?” J Yes, she was.

Then I think about how lucky I am that I can share Emma’s journey, and my journey as a Mom with her (my Mom) and my Dad. Not everyone is as lucky. And to me that is so unfair. I’ve read numerous stories about people who have lost their Mom and how hard it was on them. And of course, I went through the turmoil and heartache with Gene when his Mom passed. And then not even two years later the sudden passing of his father, which surprising to say was harder on him than his Mom. Neither of his parents will physically see their son transition into the great father he is becoming (or already is).

I know I’ve written about all of that and I don’t want to get into it all again, but I’m going to just point out again that I feel the worst guilt for not having a child sooner so that his parents could have witnessed their Grandbaby coming into the world. No, not literally, just figuratively. My stubbornness and selfishness kept me blind to the miracle of a child for so long… not to mention that Gene and I didn’t have the best marriage until a few months before I conceived; I think that once I was finally happy my “clock started ticking.”

Anyway…

My Mom and I were never very close when I was growing up. I was, of course, a Daddy’s girl until about middle school and then I wasn’t close to either of them. However, once I moved out (the weekend of my 18^th birthday) it was only a matter of days before I missed my Mom and I realized that I needed her more than ever. I spoke to her a few times a week then, and now I speak to her numerous times every day. Funny though, I don’t feel like I talk to her enough.

Ever since Gene got promoted my parents started watching Em four days a week compared to the previous three, and one Saturday night a month. Well, it seems that something always happens and they pick up an extra day or two per month. So, because I feel like I am abusing their time I don’t see them on the weekends in fear that they will get to the point where they say “We watch her too much.” Or, “when will we ever have time to do anything again.” They tell me all the time that they love seeing her, watching her, spending time with her, but if they ever said anything negative I think my world would come crashing down considering she’s my daughter and I don’t see her nearly enough. It’s not fair.

Wow, I’ve said that twice now. I know, I know… life isn’t fair. Nobody ever said it was. And like the Rolling Stones said “You can’t always get what you want.”

So now I think of all the things that I want to do with Emma, and I want my Mom to be there with all of them. I think of how she reacts and how Emma just lights up when she sees Grandma is delighted with her skill or expression. I know that of all people, she would be the one to get the most excited (besides me of course). I know that some people think it’s silly for me to spend so much time with my Mom, but honestly people, parents won’t always be around… why not spend every second you can with them?

So… Here’s hoping that I soak up my parents’ time as much as I can, but only to right before the point that they feel suffocated or exhausted. I’m hoping that all of you do the same.

Jenni