Mom & Me

After I got married, and the ever-impending question of "when are you going to have kids" kept popping up everywhere, my Mom and I both finally agreed on one thing... The world is too crappy of a place to have a kid now. Well, goes to show that feelings can change.

But, now that I'm 7+ months along, I get the feeling that my Mom still feels the same way. She drops hints about things she wants for her grandchild. Things like to stay at home instead of daycare, to not take them out too much and when I do to "safe" places. I watched the news more at first because I felt more in-tune with the world once I became pregnant; part of the inner circle maybe. However, I saw all of the injustice, the crime, the hate, the murders and so much more. I'm terrified sometimes that my first instinct, that matched my mom's, was correct.

Is that the mom in me talking now? That I'm scared for my unborn baby's protection? I mean, I can only protect my child for so long, or worse, not at all because I'm not bullet-proof. I worry more about Gene now too because I want him to be around forever for our baby. (And this is where I start getting teary-eyed, when I talk about Gene with the baby.)

Deep Breath.

So, I avoid the news now. I avoid the political issues (of all kinds) online. I avoid movies about murders. I'm hiding when it doesn't help.

Maybe my Mom was right in a way. She always said that if she could go back in time she would think harder and plan better about raising me b/c of all the bad things out there. Please, I grew up just fine... sheltered actually; bubble-wrapped. She even once mentioned that if she knew now what she knew then she might not have had me at all because she still is in fear every day that something will happen to her little girl. I tell her all the time that I am the most cautious person in the world - aside from all the OCD ones out there... and I will try to raise my child(ren) to be cautious as well, but I'm already anticipating lots of panic and stress.

Sometimes I'm glad she put the fear in me because I'm much more aware of my surroundings in certain situations now. I steer clear of the areas that make me feel the slightest bit uneasy. I avoid roads that take me places I should not be in. It shouldn't be that way, but it is what it is, and so far it's worked well. I've only had a couple scary instances when I rebelled with Holli a few times (getting lost on the east side was pretty bad). The only downside is that I cringe listening to the potentially dangerous situations my friends get into, and they don't seem to care really.

So, because my mom always warned me, and showed me and coached me, I have been fine. And I will teach my baby the same things hopefully. I know this was an odd subject to write about, but I can't help but start to worry now. And with being a mom, I'm sure it will never stop.

In other news:

Ankles and feet are swelling like crazy, no matter how much fluid I consume. Have a few more stretch marks now. I'm getting tired super early in the evening and it's making me no fun. Baby keeps scaring me by not moving for long periods of time. I sometimes pee a bit when I sneeze, haha.

I'm getting into that nesting phase I think. Not the labor kind, just the have-to-get-it-all-done-today kind. Gene is exhausted by me I'm sure because I'm always on him to do something. But, I feel like I'm so behind, when just a few weeks ago I thought I was ahead of the game.

7 weeks, 1 day until due date! Yay!


1 comment:

  1. Great post! You will be a fantastic mother. I believe that we all want to shelter and protect our kiddos. Things that never bothered me to see on TV before now bring me to the verge of tears because I think "What if that were me/my child."

    Your baby will be fine just as you are fine!

    I hope the swelling gets better for you, we're going to have a hot June and July ahead of us...

    Love reading your posts :-) and I really love that there's someone else going through this at the same time as me!